How do I get my partner to put our baby down for sleep?
Our partners all come in different shapes, sizes, personalities and comfort zones. But we all have the ability to put our littles to sleep if we try … even if we are flying by the seat of our pants.
How do you empower your partner to put your baby to sleep?
Start the conversation in a way that they will feel made-capable.
Use “I” language instead of blaming language.
I need: “I need your help getting our little one to sleep.”
I’m feeling: “I’m feeling overwhelmed with doing the bedtime routine on my own. Can you help me?”
I appreciate: “I appreciate X about you and think our child will benefit from more connection time with you so that they can see that awesomeness too.”
Be on the same page.
Have a conversation beforehand about bedtime. What are each of your goals and expectations? What is the routine? What are your boundaries around what is okay or not okay with sleep? Then write out the routine and stick it in an agreed-upon, accessible space.
Allow adequate time to do the routine.
Start when your partner will be home with time to spare. Have things ready to go at first, and then eventually have your partner get them ready so they know each items’ special place. Take your time with the routine, exude calm, and enjoy it!
Show confidence in your partner and stay calm and positive.
Your baby will be able to sense how you feel with this new change, especially because a new change will cause their awareness to heighten. Stay calm and happy so that your baby knows that you trust your partner. This one is also important because your partner will pick up on your cues too. No rescuing here - only assisting when asked.
Encourage and affirm afterwards.
Regardless of how it goes the first time, find the silver lining. Share your positive
Observations and give your partner space to ask any clarifying questions.
After a couple of nights, get out of the house while your partner works their magic. Be somewhere close enough that you can return if things are going nuts, but not too close.
If you are able, we encourage your partner to try to run the routine (or do it together) at least 30% of the time, so that your baby is fully comfortable with both parents. This takes the pressure off of bedtime being all about one spouse.
And after all:
Teamwork makes the dream work,
Anna